In Memoriam
A Poem and an Art Piece
I found myself writing quite a bit of free form poetry earlier last Spring, after our pastor’s daughter died. When I wrote them, I doubted if I could share them with others. There’s still one I don’t think I ever can.
Recently, I found the file with all the poems. It was in a document titled “For the Wind Passes Over,” from Psalm 103:15-16.
It feels kinda...off...to share writing like this. Not only just sad ones, but poems that really show how a person thinks - or feels - or is during hard times. I’ve come to realize writing really does express emotion - all kinds of it, happy and sad.
So please, if you don’t think you can take the sad, don’t read this. That’s alright. I wasn’t able to read all the way through, either.
But if you’re feeling sad now and you need a little hope, then do read it.
Stages & Waves
by Elisabeth G. Biggs
I’ve heard it said that
There are five stages of grief
First, denial, then anger and bargaining,
Depression, and finally acceptance
Who knows how long it takes
To cycle through them all?
And when you think you’ve reached the end
When you think you’ve finally said
“Yes, it’s happened”
You find you’re just looping
Over and over
Cause in your mind
It never really happened
Or at least, you still can’t believe it
I never doubted the truth
That she was really gone
It more like a sort of shock
Like everything just froze
And I saw her face flash through my mind
Over and over
Cause in my mind
It never really happened
At least, I still couldn’t believe it
Over at their house
The weekend
Over at their house
Trying to help out wherever I could
Discreetly looking away whenever
Her father burst into tears
I’ve never seen a grown man sob like that
I tried to distract his other children
So they wouldn’t see
But they knew, still
That something was wrong
Grief comes in waves
Sometimes you’ll be okay
You can think about the fact that she’s gone
But then
You just break down
And can’t think about it at all
When that happens, you try to find something to distract you
So that your mind doesn’t show those images
Over and over
Of the little dead girl
Cause when you realize it really happened
You don’t want to believe it
Every so often I’d watch her parents break down
Over any little thing
That reminded them of her
The buttercups she last picked
The hamburger buns she went with her dad to pick up
The bag of Easter candy left on the table
The sign on her door that read
“M and E’s Room”
The mattress she slept on
The teddy bear in the corner
The picture she colored
Meanwhile, I numbly fed honeydew
To the one year old
And he furrowed his brow at me
As if to say
“It’s time to be serious.”
I tried not to cry
At least, not too much
You know, to stay strong for their family
We started singing hymns
Voices breaking at the lines
Stumbling over words
We sang “In Christ Alone”
I managed to hold it together
At least until the last verse
“No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny”
And everyone cried together
Over and over
Cause it really happened
And we believe
The words we’re singing
Finding myself crying for a family I’ve never met remind me that writing carries more than just words. It carries people’s hearts, and your heart for your pastor’s family is so evident in this tribute. Thank you for sharing it so that others can remember her, too
Oh Lissie 😭💕 This is a beautiful tribute and yet it’s so very heartbreaking. Your poetry and artwork is stunning, but the heart behind all of this is even more so. Praying for you all often xx